Great Hand Job

   I wish her a great sweetheart so these couple will make love twice a day working out all the positions according the Kama Sutra. No doubt she will replace lovers.

Imagine a hand job on the post eh? and what about a blowjob? but I suggest a two feet foot job eh?

Rule Of Thumb

  Check your boyfriend's penis and be sure that his size is per that rule of thumb.
This rule my uncle Thomas use as a joke or as a compliment, especially if he need to bribe a short man.

- "But shorty have always a long one"

Source 

Angela Merkel the Chancellor of Germany like very much that witz and she trap most of the politician she met.
But here she tell it also to Ms Hillary Clinton and make her laughing.

"Tall men always have a short penis, but on the other hand shorty have a long dick" - LOL

The Nude Camp - Part Seven

   I tried to imagine, what will happened to Muslims which will experience a vacation in a nude camp. Do you know are they any nude camps out of Turkey in the Muslim countries like Egypt, Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria, Malaysia etc.
   Turkey nude camps might now be dangerous for the Muslims. The ISIS regime might spread into Turkey and lit a revolution promising the people better life. They might adopt some communism ideas and connect them together . Now also some of the swingers clubs in the Middle East should beware. The men might get only a short warn, but the women will be executed.

  Bobby and Mikey his five year old son were walking around the nude camp. Suddenly  Mikey say Hello to a stranger. Bobby asked Mikey "Do you know that man?" "yes" replied Mikey "he is our Janitor". Bobby ask "what do you mean Janitor?" Mikey smiled "each time you are on a business trip, the janitor knocked our door, and asked Mom, is the territory clean"

 

Gamblers Advice

   My friend Gordon is spending each year a great vacation in one of Las Vegas Hotels. He works hard all year around, making many overtime hours and earns about ten grands which are dedicated for gambling. Last year he lost all his dough by hustlers including his credit cards and the last one hundred bucks note he kept for the transportation. 
   He went out to the front of the Hotel and asked a cab driver to help him. He told him shortly how a whore robbed all his money and promised him a double fee by the mail.
The cabbie said “get lost” Gordon have no choice rather to walk to the airport and finally arrived home.

   The next year Gordon returned to Vegas and this time he was very lucky. he makes about 25 grands and quit before changing his winning luck. When he checked out looking for a cab he noticed that about dozen cabs were waiting for passengers. 

(The photo for illustration only)

Source

he recognized the rude driver from the precious year, waiting at the end. Gordon asked the first cab driver “How much for a ride to the airport fix price,” he asked?
“Twenty bucks,” came the reply.
“And I am always horny with cab drivers, how much for giving  me a blowjob?” Gordon smiled and winked.
“Faggot get lost!!”
Gordon tried this with all the cabbies and all were giving him hell. finally he entered the last cab and told the driver: "last year I was broke and you refused helping me, this year I was lucky so I''ll tipping you here are 30 bucks take me to my plane."
As they pass the cabs in the lane, all the cabbies  call "Jeff you are a faggot" and show the middle finger-up sign to him.

Source



I traveled to London last month and I searched for a casino where I can spend a pleasant evening with my wife (she loves playing the roulette) -  Gordon sent me a great link. I checked this android app: CasinoTrip.
it is a cool app that helped me locate and find the nearest casino and how to get there - it even helped me navigate my way through the streets of London.
from their website  I can see they have information from all over the world. Neat site and a great app - I totally recommend it to anyone who travels and likes to visit a casino.

The Nude Camp - Part Five

If you believes that once upon a time apes were the origin of human beings just watch and let me know in how many billion years these apes will deliver a new tribe of aliens.

Here is another prototype of an ape which learn to dance Break Dance.  

A Group of Bonobos - Nonstop pumping
 

The Bet

Gordon and Bobby made a bet, Gordon declare "My dick is longer then your pussycat's tail"
Okay Bobby measure the tail and found it is 14 inch, but Gordon's dong was found to be only ten inches!?.
Gordon shook his head and say "you should use the same rules, you measure the cat's tail from the asshole, so you should measure mine"
Gordon's Dong asshole to front was 16 inches. Please impress your girlfriends with this ask them to measure your dick.

Source

Berlusconi's Jokes

Rome vs Ottoman 
My friend Gordon heard that episode three years ago at a very famous Turkish Hamam. The former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi and the Turkish PM Erdoğan 

were arguing some historical facts. Berlusconi mentions that the ancient Rome Empire conquered half of the ancient world including Constantinople (Istanbul today). PM
Erdoğan told him about the Ottoman Empire which was ruling huge lands in Southern and Central Europe and the Middle East, for almost 450 years. PM Erdoğan remind him also the the Turkish people are belonging to the Hittites which became an Empire almost 18 hundred years before the Rome Empire. Now PM Berlusconi challenged the game which of them owned a king size dick. The Turkish PM then refuse reveal his tail, so he snaps "we invented Sex" PM Berlusconi gave him his punchline "I agree that your people invented Sex, but we were the first to screw females"
p.s. Midnight Express - link

Pussy Whipped 
Why Berlusconi became a pussy's whipped? cause one day he returned home 
After playing on the playground at school, little Silvio came home with some new words in his vocabulary. Puzzled at what they meant, he went to his mother. "Mom, what's a pussy?" Not at all shocked by the question, she opened up an encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a cat. He then asked "What's a bitch?" Once again, not at all disturbed, she opened the encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a female dog.

Confused, little Silvio then went to his father. "Dad, what's a pussy?" Tony felt that it is time for his son to learn about life and opened up a porno and circled the area between a woman's legs. Little Silvio then proceeds, "Then what's a bitch?" His father replied, "Everything outside of the circle." Source

Plumber Butt

Gordon and me used to insert small nuts to our friends working hard around the ship. Our victims never pay attention even to dozen nuts. So as a memory to the old days I collected some plumbers at work with a terrific slot, but we use to call it Schlitz. Schlitz means also cunt in slang.

Let me hear your comments about the terminology Plumber Butt in your language. 

Shooting A Plumber

What Will Help Your Anal Sex

Some use butter like Marlon Brando in the Last Tango In Paris. Now I see how the word butt developed.......from the source butter LOL.

Some use Vaseline, but Gordon sent me a great clip which is an advertisement for Margarine.
    

Now your kid's are watching the commercial and asking you about? what  are you gonna tell them.? 

The Nude Camp - Part Three

   Gordon told me that joke about the nude camp.
"My boss Bobby went for an exciting vacation to the best nudist camp". As he left his hut he saw a gorgeous chic, and immediately he feel a wonderful erection. she made a sign with her finger, calling him to follow her. Bobby looks around, no one else attends on the beach, so he ask her "do you mean me?". She explained him the rules of the camp, "Your body language, is asking for sex isn't it right?"
The two enter her hut and Bobby have the best sex of his life, after his second shot he left her room, and release a tremendous fart.

The next door opened and a good looking man caught him and forced him to have anal sex with him. after he finished Bobby asked him "why? I am not gay" so the man explained "your body language calls for it, when a guy is farting, it is a common sign calling for anal sex"
Bobby grabbed his belongings and went to the head office, asking them he want to leave the camp. The Manager asked "why? you just arrived a hour ago, what happened to you".
Bobby answered him, "I have an erection hardly once a week, but I am farting 24 hours a day".

No more sand in your pussy, I licked all of it.

 

And your dick is now clean too, so you may now enter my pussy.

List of most nude camps - Link

More nude camp pictures  - Source

Source 

Nude Camp - Part 4 Link

The Nude Camp - Part Two

Now walking around Gordon reminds me an old joke we use to run on our ship. Mikey a six years old boy had been taken by his parents to a nudist camp. He asks his daddy about the different sizes of the men dicks. Father Bobby, was proud because of his dork, explained his son the facts "Our dick it called the "small head", the smarter you are the larger you get", the big ones being smart and the small ones being dumb. On the next morning after a long swimming at the sea, Bobby was looking for his wife Dee, and asked Mikey if he had seen his mother.
"I saw her about ten minutes ago, She was with a real dumb man, but he seemed to be getting smarter while talking to Mom."

look at Eva its her first time in the nude camp.

 

That dumb guy wants to join the party....

No one is watching you, keep pumping.

 

                                                I'm bored says Dee....lets add another smart guy...

Okay you are finished?, I'm still bored.

Whats up with you? can't you find your way?

To be continued

The Nude Camp - Part 3   link

Start Nude Camp - Part 1 link

The Nude Camp - Part One

My friend Gordon sent me last week a great presentation showing the scene in one of the nude camps. I wonder how come so many people here are burned like lobsters. But it looks, its their first time at the nude camps. Look at Gordon and lets follow his story.

Here we shall meet the guy who practice his dick to carry buckets of water - Link

 

Is it compassion, or may be she is, his secretary? 

                                       She is so drunk, and he can't believe, just imagine.....

 

Keep pumping you are good....

Are you hot again?

OMG I'm coming...                   

                                            

AZW.....To be continued........ see The Nude Camp - Part 2 Link                                                                   

Great Gear

How do you call that kind of gear?

 
Great Gear on the Beach

The Naked Ice Cream Seller

Strip Tease Goes Wrong

Strip Tease goes wrong

That episode belongs probably to the book Heart by De Amicis about the boy who was nursing for weeks the wrong father isn't it?

Machine Job

The 21 century will belong to the women. In China, India and other far east countries the ratio of male vs female is moving from 1.02 to 1.07 which in another 25-30 years cause a shortage of women. The figures today in China shows about 50 million males which will not find a bride.

Due to modern approaches the parents  will be able to control the desired gender of their babies. So especially the Muslims will choose to give birth to males.

Now the engineers developed new sex machines which will supply "Machine Job"

More Sex Toys

Living Doll

Love Chair

Free Sex In The Pharmacy

Where To Buy Condoms Version 1
Gordon went to a pharmacy and asked to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: "What size do you want?" 
Gordon:" I do not know"
Pharmacist: "Come into the back room"
Entering into the room she pulled up her dress and Gordon fucked her when they finished she told him "you have extra large, How many packs you require? " "Give me a dozen" replied Gordon
    Gordon told Tom about the quickie he got today. The next day Tom entered the pharmacy and asked to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: "What size do you want?"
Tom:" I don't know"
Pharmacist: "Come into the back room"
Entering into the room she pulled up her dress and Tom fucked her when they finished she told him "you have Normal size, How many packs do you want? " "Thanks, I don't need anything, I just came for measuring" replied Tom

Great clip I'm getting a lay
 

Where To Buy Condoms Version 2
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 22. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. The senior pharmacist asked his daughter to help me. Dee was a mature women her red hair and her huge breast circulate the blood in my face. I know she could see that I am virgin and that's my first time. Dee asked me about the size and I mumbled Normal, so she handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No, not really."

So Dee unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she grabbed me behind the curtain, she undressed and I have got the best erection, and Dee likes it  Dee whispered "Hurry wear the condom and give me good time" So I pumped her till I explode.
She pushed me and yelled at me. "Did you put that condom on?" she asked. I said, "sure did!", and held up my thumb to show her.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus 

Anything you can do, I can do better!!!

 Nag, Nag, Nag and Punch    
   A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire week's wages.When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me.
   "Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

credit to http://gotaf.socialtwist.com/redirect?l=fv2o

Connect Six

Q. Six gays were lined up one after the other
     Each pushed his cock into the asshole in front of him
     Who enjoyed the most ?

A. The Second Fag?
Q. Why?



A. He got a full Ass? his cock drilled the well? and finally he gave a Hand Job to the first Guy!!!

Old Whorehouse at St Denis

    Bobby is a 35 years old guy, and he is still a virgin. Finally on his 36 birthday he decided to get rid of his fears and shame. So he headed to Paris to buy a good lay at Rue Saint-Denis. Rue Saint-Denis is well known all over the world as a place with the best whores of Europe. one more important detail about Bobby, he is a miser, and rarely spend a penny on clothes, beers, entertainment etc.
    The concierge at his two star Hotel gave him an address and now he was walking the streets to get to the whorehouse. Bobby went into the lobby and didn't sip the beverages served by the waiters and found himself looking the signs on the walls. leading him to two huge doors. On the first door he saw a sign "Big Cocks" and the other sign "Small Willies". Bobby muttered to himself "I know mine is a small size" so he head the left corridor, after walking about 100 steps, he came to a junction left and right the signs here shows <500 Euro right>and < 200 Euro left>. Okay guess which was Bobby's choice? so again he walked a long corridor watching the signs on the doors. 200 Euro, 180 Euro and to the end of the corridor he stopped and hesitated for a minute in front of a door with a tag of 130 Euro. Then he saw two more signs at the junction. The signs here shows cheaper rates <100 Euro right> and <50 Euro left>. Bobby took the left corridor walking along 50 Euro doors, 25 Euro doors and than finally he found himself in the street. As the heavy gate closed behind, he saw a sign "If you have nor MONEY neither DICK - GO FUCK YOURSELF"

Visit my new Doctor

 I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new doctor is a young female and drop-dead gorgeous! 

   I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before." Just tell me what's wrong and I'll "check it out."

   I said. "My wife thinks my dick tastes funny."

Note: That joke was sent to me by e-mail.  source  Pics source