The Nude Camp - Part Three

   Gordon told me that joke about the nude camp.
"My boss Bobby went for an exciting vacation to the best nudist camp". As he left his hut he saw a gorgeous chic, and immediately he feel a wonderful erection. she made a sign with her finger, calling him to follow her. Bobby looks around, no one else attends on the beach, so he ask her "do you mean me?". She explained him the rules of the camp, "Your body language, is asking for sex isn't it right?"
The two enter her hut and Bobby have the best sex of his life, after his second shot he left her room, and release a tremendous fart.

The next door opened and a good looking man caught him and forced him to have anal sex with him. after he finished Bobby asked him "why? I am not gay" so the man explained "your body language calls for it, when a guy is farting, it is a common sign calling for anal sex"
Bobby grabbed his belongings and went to the head office, asking them he want to leave the camp. The Manager asked "why? you just arrived a hour ago, what happened to you".
Bobby answered him, "I have an erection hardly once a week, but I am farting 24 hours a day".

No more sand in your pussy, I licked all of it.

 

And your dick is now clean too, so you may now enter my pussy.

List of most nude camps - Link

More nude camp pictures  - Source

Source 

Nude Camp - Part 4 Link

Free Sex In The Pharmacy

Where To Buy Condoms Version 1
Gordon went to a pharmacy and asked to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: "What size do you want?" 
Gordon:" I do not know"
Pharmacist: "Come into the back room"
Entering into the room she pulled up her dress and Gordon fucked her when they finished she told him "you have extra large, How many packs you require? " "Give me a dozen" replied Gordon
    Gordon told Tom about the quickie he got today. The next day Tom entered the pharmacy and asked to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: "What size do you want?"
Tom:" I don't know"
Pharmacist: "Come into the back room"
Entering into the room she pulled up her dress and Tom fucked her when they finished she told him "you have Normal size, How many packs do you want? " "Thanks, I don't need anything, I just came for measuring" replied Tom

Great clip I'm getting a lay
 

Where To Buy Condoms Version 2
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 22. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. The senior pharmacist asked his daughter to help me. Dee was a mature women her red hair and her huge breast circulate the blood in my face. I know she could see that I am virgin and that's my first time. Dee asked me about the size and I mumbled Normal, so she handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No, not really."

So Dee unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she grabbed me behind the curtain, she undressed and I have got the best erection, and Dee likes it  Dee whispered "Hurry wear the condom and give me good time" So I pumped her till I explode.
She pushed me and yelled at me. "Did you put that condom on?" she asked. I said, "sure did!", and held up my thumb to show her.

Connect Six

Q. Six gays were lined up one after the other
     Each pushed his cock into the asshole in front of him
     Who enjoyed the most ?

A. The Second Fag?
Q. Why?



A. He got a full Ass? his cock drilled the well? and finally he gave a Hand Job to the first Guy!!!

Red Light District

   Fuck Them All
   The driver stop the bus and 36 young Persian teenagers went out off the bus, their guide shows them the Red Light District and told them to be back in the bus two hours later. The leader of the group had tailored a nice deal 1500 Euro for the all group. The boys entered one after the other, and after an hour the sucky fucky was over.
   The hooker ran quickly to deposit the money in the bank. The clerk checks the bills and notice that all the notes are fake money. She turns to the hooker and says "I assume they screwed you."
The hooker replied "Really Is that how I look?"

The Red Light District tour

How Much?
   A team of Polish contractors arrived once to Amsterdam, for a professional  meeting. Two of the team walked around searching the streets, finally they entered the Red Light District when suddenly Vladek, notices all the nice windows with the working girls petting their cats. He stops by one closed window, evaluate it then he knocked it twice, when the hooker opened it Vladek asked her "what does this cost ??!!".And the hooker replies,"50 Euro for one 80 Euro for two!!" Than Vladek told Lech ,"Hmm, you see I told you the prices here for double glaze insulated windows are cheaper than in Warsaw".

The Kid in the Glazier Scene

How Old Are You?

   Mark was a self made man. He established his business, ten years ago with his bare hands.  Three years ago, all at the sudden his business collapsed, the loan sharks pushed him to the corner and he lost his house, his wife Ann divorced and very soon he became a homeless.
   Mark became desperate, and after three months on the streets he decided to get suicide. At midnight he went to the bridge climbed up the rail, closed his eyes, raised his foot and prayed "God forgive me", he heard someone calling with a shrilled voice "Don't do this come to me". Mark opened his eyes and saw an old woman wearing rags and he got scarred. The old odd woman said to him "Come to me my son, please don't do it". So Mark asked her "who are you?". "I am the good Fairy, and I came to save your life, here is my bottle imp which will return your fortune back" replied the old woman. Mark went down and came closer to the woman. She was the ugliest creature he ever seen, she was stinking like rotten fishes, but her speech pleased him. The old Fairy continued "Just imagine all your money, factories, house and your wife and kids will return after you will open that bottle". The old Fairy proceeded "but in one condition, you must make love with me twice".
   Mark was so desperate and he agree to make love with the old witch. She grabbed him to her place, and after he finished screwing her the second time he asked her to give him the bottle  imp. He opened the cork and nothing happened. "Dear Fairy whats wrong here" Mark said "what happened to your power, and your promise?" the old woman starts laughing "how old are you man?" "I am 42 years old" Mark cried in frustration. "and my big boy, you still believe Fairy Tales?"
   

Ball's Scrubbing

     When Johnny comes marching home from the first Gulf war, The Governor of Missouri fixed him a job at Boeing St Louis MO. The chief Manager of the personal department interviewed Johnny, and after looking into his files, he assigned him to the final assembly Department. at building 11, you shall start at 10 a.m. each day. So Johnny asked "why at 10 a.m.?,  when do all the staff starting?".

    The Manager replied "all the company starts at 8 a.m., but they all scrubbing their balls from 8 a.m till 10 a.m" Johnny looked embarrassed, but asked him "so why shall I start at 10 a.m.?"   

The Manager explained him "according to my files you lost your balls at the Gulf war, last year, so you have nothing to do till 10 a.m."

    Johnny worked for several years and after ten years Johnny was called to the personal Manager's office "Hey Johnny how do you do with us so far?" Johnny "no complains" "Okay, Johnny from tomorrow you will start each day at 8 a.m."

Why ? asked Johnny, from tomorrow you are assigned to scrub Tommy's Balls , cause Tommy lost his hands at Afghanistan, and will start working in your department."

Gabe scratching his balls

I found that poem at the WC, NYC

Some people sit and think!
Some people make shit and stink!
But I sit, and scrub my balls,
And read the Bullshits on the walls.

The Margarine Engine

    My friend Gordon has succeeded to upgraded a Wankel Engine into a semi cycle Perpetuum Mobile Hydrogen Engine using margarine instead of fuel. That prototype Engine was a big saver, since its margarine consumption was about one pound per week. Gordon installed that terrific engine into his Ford Mustang model 1970 car, and was driving without paying attention to fuel raising prices.

    But one night as he was driving in Toronto for business, his engine shuts down. Gordon found out that he is out of margarine. He opened his trunk and the margarine refrigerator, was empty too, no margarine. Gordon looked around, it was late, about 22:00 p.m no open shops were in that neighborhood so he enter the first building trying to get some help. At floors one and two no one answered his knocking, at floor three a redneck almost punched him, so Gordon climbed  to the fourth floor, ringed the door bell, no one came over but he was hearing the TV on, broadcasting a popular program, Gordon ringed again the bell and this time he pushed the door which was unlocked!!
     Gordon entered the dining room and saw the whole family father, mother and two teenager daughters, sitting and gazing at him without saying a word. Gordon started "Good evening, can you help me, I need margarine" no one replied???, so he repeated "will you helping me with some margarine" again no one of the family replied?? Okay now you remember my friend Gordon? he became horny while looking on the house lady, he took and laid her on the sofa and made a quickie. Silence in the apartment, no one cried or said anything, and Gordon repeated another quickie with the one of the good looking girls, again silence no one even mumbled.
Now Gordon ask the other girl to allow him another quickie, after they were coming, Gordon repeated "now for God sake bring me some margarine".
    The father now stand up and said "Okay, I will take the puppy out for a walk" 

Remember the Last Tango in Paris? The butter Scene

Last Tango In Paris Trailer 

 

Fifteen cents Jokes

Junkies

   The Criminology school at UCPM (College Park) is one of the world's top ten. The Professor had conducted an oral exam. The students were asked to offer an approach "how to prevent teenagers using drugs"

   Marty the most brilliant student draw out two coins, a dime (10 cents) and a quarter (25 cents) and then showing on the quarter "that's your brain before using, and it will shrink to a dime size while using" all the students applauded, "brilliant, I like your approach" said the professor.

   Now Gordon from the NYPD who have ten years experience on the NYC streets said: "Okay, that's fine, but I would use those two coins in a better approach", the professor disliked Gordon because he was snoozing during his lectures, but let him continue. Gordon said "your ass hole is a dime size now, but after you get out of Jail, it will become like a quarter" Oh, The professor had to admit that Gordon's answer is better than Marty's. 

The Butyrka Band  (Butyrka is a famous Prison in Moscow)

Brides

    Dee went to the Minister and asked him she wanted a divorce.                                                    Minister: "Tell me please, what happened, you just married Don last year?"

Dee: "My ass hole was the size of a dime before marriage and now it has become a quarter"

Minister: "Dear Dee, what's the matter, you shouldn't divorce just because of 15 cents"

15 Cents Song

Buckets of Water

On our Cadet ship we had so many drills during the week, but now let me tell you about the fire drill. When someone new arrived, Gordon used to make fun of him.                         

Gordon: "How many buckets can you fetch to the fire zone?"

Bob Jr.: "Two, one in each hand"

Gordon:"I can carry Three" 

Bob Jr.:"How can you carry three?"

Gordon: "One in each hand and the third on my Dong!!!"

Bob Jr.:"Okay, Then I will carry three buckets full of water too"

Gordon:"Well, well, so now I will carry five!!!"

Bob Jr.:"Five? how come?"

Gordon:"Two in my hands and you on my Dong"

Listen to my Favorite Naval Song!!! God Bless the Sailors all over the Huge Oceans

 

Read more about Gordon in the previous post "Connect Two"

Connect Two

   Gordon sailed with us for eighteen months on a Cadet ship. He used to train his Dong every day, by hanging a bucket on it and adding pints of water into the bucket. Gordon always was teasing the staff to bet who can hold the bucket with the most amount of water. He always won the bets.  

   One day we docked at Cadiz port, Spain. We got off the ship and Gordon picked up a whore, and went to her room. He asked her "how much is a regular fuck?" she told him one hundred bucks. Gordon asked her "How much for a blow job?" the Prostitute replied "for you 200 bucks." "Okay, give me a blow job" he said, as he took out his wallet to pay her, she noticed his wallet is full of dough. The whore took his cloths off and as Gordon pushed his Dong into the hooker's maw, suddenly she clenched her teeth tightly like a Crocodile and told him "give me the wallet or I'll cut your cock into two parts!!" What choice had the poor Dude, he gave her the money and bolted back to the ship.

   Four months later we returned to Cadiz. Gordon found the whore which of course couldn't remember him. Gordon took her to her room, asked her "how much for a regular?" she told him one hundred bucks. Gordon then asked her "How much for an anal sex?" the whore replied "for you 400 bucks". "Okay, I like an anal sex" Gordon paid the whore. As he was inside he curved his Dong, telling the whore "give me my money back, or I'm gonna to connect your two tunnels into one"